Sunday, March 01, 2009

Every book has a beginning.

However, this book isn't all action filled, or a blockbuster #1 seller. And quite honestly, this isn't a book. It's going to be all  over the place. Whatever the heck I want.

My life's actually pretty simple.

I didn't have a very exciting childhood. I guess at times, as I'm reflecting, maybe I did embellish my life a bit or stories I've told. Cause dammit, my life is pretty unexciting. Sure I've had my share of very cool things, but I'm talking day to day operations here.

You ever see that cartoon on Saturdays where there was the sheep dog and the wolf, and they would punch a clock and go to work, and rinse, wash, repeat this over and over again? That's, for the most part, how I've interacted with society.

I always have kept structure to my life. You know the basics, get up, shower, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch a little TV and go to bed. Get up and do it all over again. That's another reason for this. I'd like to think that there HAS been more to my life.

Fuck it, call it a pat on my back! Ha, I guess I am shallow to some extent. Or is vain? Sigh!

I had a very complicated childhood and life. And yet, sometimes I have to look at it and go 'Was it all that complicated?' Ya had it pretty easy!' I've needed to reflect and I don't want to wait much longer. I need something to get me motivated. Will this be it? Who knows.

There is really only 1 person in my life that get's me, and of course that is my Tiffany. She's figured me out from day 1. People, I'm not that complicated. I've always been a simple person. Yearned for attention in my life and sometimes I embarrassed myself trying too hard to get it.

I didn't grow up with much money, at all. My dad drove truck long distance when I was first born and did for the rest of the 70's when we moved to Ohio where he went to work for RoadWay. Him and my mom had lived in a very small town in Western Michigan called Plainwell. From the small towns of Michigan we headed to Toledo, Ohio. Perrysburg to be exact. At this point it was my parents, Greg, Kristen, all making the move. Jenny I believe was born soon after we moved to Ohio.

I have pretty good memories of my early childhood. I shock myself at times with the things I can still remember.

Perrysburg was where I started my school years, Eagle Point elementary school. It was a blast. I was never a smart kid. I could apply myself when required, but for the most part I skated on thin ice for 13 educational years. So much so that I thought I'd just rush thru high school if I joined a vocation.

And for the most part I did. I hated high school. It was tortuous for me. I never went to very big schools for my first 9 years. Then high school came. I think I spent every waking moment of that summer leading up to it being deathly ill. I was terrified. I didn't know any kids going to my local high school. My childhood best friend, Dylan, was going to a Catholic high school and I was going public. Fear people, I was full of it.

All kids by that point in their life pretty much have a good grasp on the kind of person they are. I set it in my mind that I wasn't much of anything. I just thought I could put my head down and make it as quick and as possible, with as little attention being drawn to myself and as painless as I could make it.

I’ve reconnected with a lot of people I went to high school over the past few weeks, and it’s been fun catching up with everyone and seeing where we all went with our lives.

Most of us never got to where we wanted to, and some of us are still trying every day. Kids, marriage, work, it' all puts a screeching halt to it if we let it control us.

I’ve come to a point now where I’m faced with unemployment. Shit, in 14 years of work I have never had to worry about that. I’ve controlled my own destiny, I’ve made the decisions. Now I find myself reeling. Do I make a career change? What’s next for me? Tiffany’s been very supportive and helped me realize to not just settle for the next best thing. Rather, take the time to find whats right for us.

That my friends is the ‘aha moment’ for me. Stop and re-boot! Start over, it’s time to make the right decisions. I have a chance to fix all of that. My financial disaster of a life, my ‘skate thru life’ approach, my son, daughter and grandson. Everything I’m around now will be affected. Those choices have to be right for all of us.

Time to put this blog back to use. It’s refreshing for me to talk here. I don’t care if it’s just for me. It feels good!

Welcome back blog!

1 comment:

wadeduck said...

It't about time you got back to writing on this blog. I hope you are finding constructive things to do while you have all this "free time", like playing Warhammer maybe. I know you will do great with whatever career you decide on. You are a person who will succeed in whatever you put your mind to. Keep in touch with your old work friends cause they miss you. Well maybe I just miss someone to do all my drawings for me. Later and keep up the good work on the blog.